Member13 January 2009 at 9:16 pm
Just a little quiz to keep the grey matter working……….
A restaurant’s customer waited 40 minutes for the waiter to take her order. Finally she got up and left. The Head waiter asked her if she had paid her Bill. She said no, and offered to write the Manager an explanation. She wrote
Shouldn’t take too long.
What did the note mean……………. ❓
😕 😕 😕
Member13 January 2009 at 9:23 pm
just wondering what happened to the weekly challenge on the bbc site 😉
Member13 January 2009 at 10:20 pm
One owes zero for one ate zero to zero for ….
Pretty sure it’s close but not 100% right. 😳
Try this one:-
What weather forecast does this give
Member15 January 2009 at 9:03 pm
ONE OWES NOTHING FOR ONE ATE NOTHING TO OWE FOR……..
1, 00, 0, 4, 1, 8, 0, 2, 0, 4
Member15 January 2009 at 10:39 pm
Very ladylike, TBH. After waiting 40 minutes, I’d kick off a bit more than writing a few numbers on a bit of paper.
30 minutes = complaining
40 minutes = shouting
1 hour = watch out, flying cutlery!! 😈
As no takers to my ‘what’s the weather’ hi-jacking:-
th under st or m
Member16 January 2009 at 3:50 pm
very clever lads 😉
Member16 January 2009 at 5:51 pm
Here’s one for moggy lovers:-
How to give your cat a pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrapper, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrapper. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered ornaments and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink beer to take taste away. Apply sticking plaster to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet, with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto its neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Fetch bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last Tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw ripped T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the f…..g cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrapper.
13. Tie the little b…..d’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to Casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
How to give your dog a pill
1. Wrap it in a strip of roast beef.