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  • Just for a chuckle…………

     Anonymous updated 12 years, 11 months ago 2 Members · 2 Posts
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  • Gunner

    Member
    13 October 2007 at 6:08 pm

    Just for a chuckle…………

    met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘That’s Aboriginal.’

    This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

    I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said ‘Tenpin?’ I said, ‘No, permanent.’

    I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’

    I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

    Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T’PAU!

    I said ‘Don’t you mean KAPOW?? He said ‘No, I’ve got china in my hand.’

    I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. ‘Best Before End’

    I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue.’ I said ‘No, just a watch.’

    I went into a shop and I said, ‘Can someone sell me a kettle.’ The bloke said ‘Kenwood’ I said, ‘Where is he then?’

    My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He’s bisatchel.

    I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’ He said,’You’ve got cholera.’

    I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R.

    I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn’t put it down.

    I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.

    The recruitment consultant asked me ‘What do you think of voluntary work?? I said ‘I wouldn’t do it if you paid me.’

    I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, ‘You don’t need a tin opener to peel a banana.’ He said, ‘No, this is for the custard.’

    This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.’

    I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre. She said, ‘Are you having me on?’ I said, ‘Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.’

    I phoned the local builders today, I said to them ‘Can I have a skip outside my house?’ He said, ‘I’m not stopping you!’

    This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says ‘Audi!’

    I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, ‘Nearest the bull goes first’

    He went ‘Baah’ and I went ‘Moo’ He said ‘You’re closest’

    I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny: you couldn’t swing a cat in there.

    I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.

    I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said ‘Eurostar’. I said ‘Well I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin.

    I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits.

    He said, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make Tuesdays or Thursdays.’

    I went to the local video shop and I said, ‘Can I take out The Elephant Man?’ He said, ‘He’s not your type.’ I said ‘Can I borrow Batman Forever?’ He said, ‘No, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow’

    Local police have found a hole in the high street,they are looking into it

    The local police station was burgled and all the toilets stolen,police say they have nothing to go on

    😆 😆 😆

  • Anonymous

    Member
    13 October 2007 at 8:37 pm

    😆

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